When I'm not in a writing mood, it shows. On Monday I took a stab at writing my big scene, and granted, I wasn't sure where to go with it, but re-reading it yesterday proved I should have skipped that writing day and plopped down in front of my TV instead. Essentially, I condensed the scene into one paragraph! Suspenseful? Try "boring", "disappointing", "don't quit your day job". (Unfortunately, this is my day job.)
So, yesterday I started over. I'll just reiterate at the outset that I'm terrible at description. My mind doesn't work that way. Someone could ask me, "What did that person at the supermarket look like?" and I'd have to shrug. "I--think it was a woman?" Yet, I could recount in minute detail what that person said to me. I'm more attuned to verbal cues than to visual ones. (That certainly has to do with my dysfunctional upbringing, but that's a whole other story.) Thus, to add color to a scene and bring it to life is a challenge. I forget to describe the character's surroundings, to ground them in a specific space; the kind of description that adds spice to a scene. As I began my task of rewriting, I had to constantly remind myself to not only show my MC hurrying to her destination, but to paint the scene. I managed one semi-descriptive line about her crossing under a "canopy of trees" (it's better when you read it in context), but I neglected to employ all the senses. I suppose (sigh) I'll need to go back and add to it. On the other hand, she's panicked and probably isn't taking the time to breathe in the scent of freshly mown grass.
Anyway...I filled in some important missing detail. The original take had her settling down on the curb after returning to the office and finding the door locked, like it was just another day. She wasn't annoyed; she wasn't concerned. She simply accepted it. Oh, okay. So, now she at least checks her phone for a message explaining what happened, and she tries calling her fiance (boss) a couple of times to find out what's going on. And this time around, her law enforcement friend calls with the big reveal as she's waiting on the curb. I previously had him calling just as she was trying to ram the back door with a trash can because she'd heard a couple of noises from inside the office. How badly written was that? Kind of an overreaction on her part. My original goal was to have a lot of disorienting things happening at the same time, so big reveal while she's desperate to bust her way inside. Ultimately, that idea didn't work.
Some important plot points arrive out of the ether, which is why I still prefer discovery writing over outlining. Now, as she's desperate to get to the coffee shop where she mistakenly believes her fiance is meeting with his new client, she can't recall the woman client's name. Until she does. And it's eerily similar to his former administrative assistant's last name. She remarks in her head about weird coincidences. By now, winded from her six-block sprint, she has to stop to catch her breath. Telling herself to stop leads her to recall the specific form the new client had requested over the phone, an obscure one called an "Estoppel Statement". Stop, Estoppel. How many clients would have ever heard of that?
And that's how she finally puts the pieces together.
I retained the scene in which she's trying to smash the back door's glass with a trash can (it's the only thing available in the alley), but now as she hopelessly tries to batter her way in, the door opens and guess who greets her?
I need to do some things better at this point. The villain is clearly insane, but I can do a better job of showing that. Also, the MC's pressing goal is to get past the villain to check on her fiance, so the two of them can't just stand around lobbing bon mots. I did find a rudimentary way to accomplish that, and that's where I left things for now. But the scene begs for revision.
Admittedly, I'm anxious to get past this point and on to the epilogue, but the scene is so vital, I can't afford to screw it up.
I comfort myself with the knowledge that I've now got a good, sensical scene, and that editing it, improving upon it, will be relatively easy.
Getting closer, folks.
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