Introverts and Writing

I have a social situation upcoming that I absolutely don't want to attend, but this one isn't a matter of choice. It's not that I don't like the (two) people I know who will be there, but what happens when they scamper off to talk to other people? What am I supposed to do? It's not that I'm incapable of making small talk, but I'm hardly an initiator of it. So, if I'm standing alone and no one approaches me, well, then I'm just standing there...alone. I tend to take a lot of bathroom breaks, because those allow me to escape for a few minutes. I find that I'm more socially anxious, which is a result of my introversion, the older I get. Anxious to the point of my stomach hurting just anticipating an event. 

I recently read an article about writers and introversion, which talked about why it's so much easier for introverts to write than it is to talk. The article goes into the "scientific" explanations of how the human brain works, but it doesn't mention the actual real-life reason: Writing is not a stressful, performance situation. No one's placing any expectations on me but me. I'm not under the gun to come up with an instant response to someone. I'm the someone, and I can take as much time as I like to formulate what I want to say. 

No, not all writers are introverts, but I bet most of them are. It's not that we're afraid of people; we just prefer our own company. For years my various jobs required me to stand up in front of people and talk. Surprisingly, I could do it easily. The thought of getting up and walking to the front of the room never once induced anxiety. Why? For one, I was in control. And secondly, what I did was more on the order of a lecture or in other cases, the dissemination of information. It wasn't a two-way conversation. Yes, there were questions posed at the conclusion, but again, it was ask/answer. That's not hard. If, however, at the end of my talk, someone in the audience suddenly asked me about my personal life, I would stammer and deflect. My personal life is just fine, but now you've thrown me off my game. 

Back to writing, the article's author included an anecdote in which she was asked in an interview about her favorite podcast and for the life of her, she couldn't think of its name, even though she listened to it every day. She posited that writing makes something easier to remember than having to verbalize it. Perhaps. But then why am I constantly consulting my thesaurus? Sure, sometimes I need a better way to describe something than calling it a "thing" (my reflexive go-to), but other times I know the first syllable of the word I want to use, but the actual word just won't come to me. I obviously know the word, but my mind won't grasp onto it. The only reason that's preferable than having to verbalize it is that I can pull out my reference book and look it up. I refuse to carry a thesaurus with me to every social event.

Also, in writing one can ponder the best way to say something. Unfortunately, in conversation thoughts are sometimes expressed in a way the speaker doesn't mean them. Something innocent can be taken as sarcastic or critical...or in my case, just dumb. I wonder sometimes if people who just met me think I'm an idiot. The inability to formulate the right words, combined with social anxiety can easily lead people down that road.

Of course there is an upside to being an introverted writer. It could be natural, but it's most likely because of my dysfunctional family that I early on trained myself to watch for clues in people's behavior. Many times it was critical to decipher those clues correctly. I also learned the dichotomy between what people said and what they actually meant. It was important to study body language. The characters I create for my stories often reveal more by what they don't say than by what words they utter. Are they looking the main character in the eye or avoiding the MC's gaze by pretending to attend to something else as they speak? I do create good characters; realistic ones, though my main character often comes across as mostly an observer. Wonder why. 

Maybe extroverted writers have more stories to tell because they experience the outside world more frequently. That's fair. I'm not adept at inventing interesting plots. I guess there's a tradeoff. 

I don't know what it's like to be an extrovert who also writes. Do they have the patience for it? Or are they yearning to get out among people? Talk to someone? I don't have that need. It's a relief to me when I can sit down, alone, and start typing out words. That world is safer, non-threatening. If I mess up what I want to say, I can backspace and try again. 

I'm pretty fond of my cocoon.