Story Immersion

Outside my actual writing sessions, I never give my plots much thought. Sure, sometimes in the shower, where the best ideas originate, I'll hit upon a good plot arc, but I certainly never deliberately lay in bed and ponder where a particular story might go. Writing sessions, of course, are a different matter. I spend so much time trying to figure out what I'm doing that it's no wonder I think I'm writing pages, when in fact I've maybe penned three paragraphs total. 

It's not that my books don't matter to me. While I'm writing them, they matter a lot. But I've always trusted myself to come through when it matters. And frankly, if I spent every waking hour thinking about writing, I would be a pathetic person. 

Oh, when I fancied myself a novelist, I obsessed over that first manuscript. I still had a full-time job and only a half hour lunch break, so I'd work and eat my lunch at the same time so I could take a half hour walk and ponder just exactly where my story should go. It's embarrassing to remember that now. I was convinced I was writing the most fantastic novel ever written, and I would become a rich, lauded author. (Yea, I kind of believed that.) What did I get for bruising my brain with all that thinking? Maybe a hundred rejections. (But I thought so hard!)

So, no, by now I understand that a book is a book is a book. I write it the absolute best way I know how, but the only person that's going to matter to is me. Thus, I divvy up my time accordingly. 

I'm not sure why it happened, but with Inn Dreams and now with my revision of Second Chance, I'm back to pondering again. I go to bed with the story attacking my brain cells until I have to get tough with it and force it out. I don't want to think when I'm trying to fall asleep! It's not as if these two stories are any more consequential than my other eight or nine, so I don't get it. Is it insecurity? Maybe. Without a doubt, writing is becoming harder for me, when it should be getting easier.

Revising an already written book is difficult and face it, uninteresting. Inn Dreams was not exactly a revision, but an expansion. That said, I'd already finished the story, which had a completely different pivotal scene. Second Chance is somewhat different. I'd already published it before I realized just how lackluster it was. Thus, I'm scrapping the final third of it and commencing with what I'm calling Book Two. At least it's like writing a new story. It is a new story, just with the same main character. I'm always mindful, though, that I'll need to tie Books 1 and 2 together eventually, and perhaps that's what's keeping me up at night.

I know I would do better, and stop obsessing, if I just started a new story, but the thing about me is, I can't leave a project unfinished. So I'll just need to become adept at chasing away those night demons.