Synopses are the Devil's Handiwork

A book synopsis has a purpose ~ it's a way for the agent/contest judge/gatekeeper to avoid reading your book. That's it. That's its only purpose.

An author sure doesn't need one; she already knows how her plot flows; what happens first, next, and last. If she doesn't, well, that's a whole different problem. I would posit that I gave up on querying literary agents because of the dreaded synopsis, but that's not why. A synopsis is definitely dreaded, though. 

This issue has arisen because I want to enter a novel competition. The entry fee is only $15.00, and it's a reputable contest with many genres represented. All the criteria fit quite well for me. Except they want a synopsis. 

Generally, a synopsis should be no longer than one or two single-spaced pages, or 500 to 800 words. I really hate word counts, and for the synopsis I'm currently pulling my hair out over, I'm going to ignore them. I have enough trouble writing the damn thing. Besides, sorry, but two single-spaced pages are way more than 800 words.

I'm fine with the specs ~ when introducing a new character, their name needs to be bolded; don't mention too many characters; two to three are best; write it in present tense and third person. Again, single spacing, 12-point font. 

It's the composition of the thing that's a real pain in the ass. A synopsis is essentially a dry recitation of the plot, but don't make it too dry! Add character! Motivation! Show your writing flair, but not too much! And don't meander; you want to touch on the important points only.

Well, here's the thing about Running From Herself ~ it does meander. The novel doesn't start at Point A, then moves to B and finally to C. It starts at Point A, goes to B, dips back into Point A, then to C, then back to B, and (skipping a bunch of other stuff) finally lands on D. That requires some synopsis detail! Why does the story happen this way? Sorry, I can't explain that in 500 or even 800 words and have it still make sense.

Sure, I'll only be spending fifteen dollars to enter this competition, but if all the judges do is read my very dry synopsis, I'm wasting both my time and my money. I understand they can't possibly read every book submitted, but try as one may, a synopsis rarely has any pizzazz. I'm glad the entry deadline isn't coming up soon, because writing and honing this stupid synopsis is going to take a while.

I was going to enter one of my novellas, too, for an add-on cost of ten dollars, but I don't know if I can stand to write two synopses. Maybe that's their devious way of limiting submissions.