Creating ARCs ~ An Unanswerable Question

                                                                 

(Yes, that is the question)

One could Google for hours and still not find directions on how to create an ARC. It seems like a very straightforward question, but it apparently has no answer. Yes, I found several articles on how to get ARCs, but I don't want to get them ~ well, I do want to get my own, which is apparently impossible. I also found articles on how/where to create printed ARC copies. Who reads print anymore? 

The minuscule number of answers I found all told me that KDP can provide me with a mobi copy. Except KDP stopped doing that years ago (always check the dates on posts, folks). I was suspicious of that to begin with, because every time I commence the upload process on KDP, there's a prominent banner that tells me my book "cannot be downloaded".

Yes, I can convert a docx to a PDF, but that's hardly an ARC. I suppose I could pay a monthly fee to a site that will produce an ARC for me, but shoot, I don't write a book every month, so what exactly would I be paying for on a monthly basis? Somebody on some forum suggested software called calibre (no, it is not capitalized, they emphasized). So I dutifully downloaded it (it's free), but one look at it tells me it's going to be neither easy nor fast to work with. I found a whole other article with directions on how to use it, which includes instructions such as, "the file...will contain data which will confuse calibre." Oh. Great. Sounds fun and not at all frustrating!

And then there's the whole cover issue. Even if I do manage to somehow produce an ARC, how do I include a cover image? Does it even matter? I would think so, since people are visual animals and a block of pure text isn't going to excite anyone. Oh, here's a thought: just send ARC readers a separate image of the cover (I say, sarcastically).

I've almost decided to scrap the ARC idea entirely, even though I really want (need) reviews. Maybe I'll just gift everybody with an already published copy of the book (hey, why not deplete my bank account!) and forego advance reviews. I constantly read posts on Goodreads author forums about how much Cyrus P. Novelist paid for this and paid for that, and I think, how nice to be flush with F-you money. Why are you even writing, Cyrus? You certainly don't need the income. (I hate Cyrus.)

This can't possibly be so hard. Can it?