One Day I Will Look Back

I stopped writing songs somewhere around 2013, I think. It wasn't a conscious decision, but I found myself trying to slap a song together and the inspiration wasn't there. I was only doing it to be doing it. I perhaps only had so much creativity inside and I'd already spent it. But oh, some of my compositions were wondrous.

I don't think about those songs or their recordings very much. If I happen to be in a reminiscent mood, I'll click on one on Spotify and marvel at its creation. The best ones arrived out of the blue, whereas the ones I toiled over never lived up to my expectations. With the best ones, I can hardly believe it was me who did them. I was never much of a musician. I know enough about guitar to play the basic chords, which is limiting when trying to write a song that doesn't sound exactly like the last song. My ace in the hole was my lyrics. Fellow songwriters have been effusive in their praise for my words. One even compared me to Townes Van Zandt (maybe it was because of my song "Pablo and Righty" ~ kidding). I never found lyric writing difficult. Good musicians can settle for banal lyrics. I didn't have that luxury. Yes, it's easy to find a rhyme, but not necessarily one that conveys what you want to say. I guess it's something innate in me. I'm not taking credit for it.

Maybe I should have stuck with that. But leave it to me to want to branch out ~ try my hand at something new. See if I can do it.

Writing lyrics and writing prose are not interchangeable competencies. Songs don't have subplots. I can tell a good story in three and a half minutes, but 60,000 words? Yikes. 

Still, once I realized my skill lay in writing short and to the point (thus, novellas), my best works came relatively easily. I was in a zone, just like when I wrote my best songs. I didn't belabor them. 

So, I'm thinking that just like with my musical compositions, one day I'll look back at my best stories and admire them for what they are. 

Does that mean I'm giving up on this pursuit? Not yet. With songwriting I just didn't want to do it anymore. My drive had dissipated. I still want to write more prose, at least I do now. My lack of success doesn't affect that. I write because it's fun, engrossing. It gives my day purpose. 

When it stops being fun, it stops.